I was Lost but now I am Found

Sorry it has been so long since my last blog, time has really slipped away from me. January is always a extremely busy month for us. Right after Christmas then my daughter's birthday and then onto my birthday so before we know it February creeps up on us....

During my busy month I have really stepped it up and opened myself up to God in a way I have never done. Have you ever been in a place in your life when you feel extremely vulnerable? Maybe on your wedding night  when it is just you and your husband  for the first time. You could feel a bit vulnerable like never before. Something changed in you that night. The Wall of Jerico that has always surrounded you comes tumbling down and for the first time your husband glazes in your eyes piercing right into your soul. Well, that is how God wants us - vulnerable to Him. I feel like for the first time in my life the Wall of Jerico has crumbled down. Standing in complete awe of Him, watching the Master chisel {cut, shaped} away all the hurt and pain, humiliation, fear, and erasing away all the bad & scary memories of my childhood to adulthood; to only discover a beautiful shiny diamond that was hidden underneath it all. To finally get this glimpse of hope, love, and beauty has really all I ever wanted. For so long I covered and shield myself from Him and from others that have known me. See, Father God has something more for us! He wants to take all that has happen in our lives and restore better than new!

When I finally came to this place, I seen Him first hand see my heart and know my thoughts. Over a period of 6 months he slowly removed people from my life that had no place any more. Some people would look at this as I was ending friendships to be cruel and evil but that wasn't what was happening. Oh How I love thee!  My Father God, was chiselling all the negativity from my life and when He was done with that part he was smoothing out the relationships that were still negative but needed to be there to show me that HE IS GOD ALMIGHTY! Who has given me the keys to improve the way I use my words & acted in those relationships. Now, I am not perfect and I do not claim to be but I am His Masterpiece that is being purified to see things not in my own eyes but with a clearer perception on life.

                                                                                                                                        For far too long I allowed people to steal Love, Joy, Peace, Hope, and Faith from me. I allowed people to take from me, talk down to me, and mistreat me. Over time, I began to go with the "flow" and started to act like them. I am not saying these people were all bad, because they weren't. I once had a dear friend of mine reminded me there is a season for everything. This season of my life caused friendship to unravel and that even meant certain friendships had to end.

 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14

I took a long look in the mirror and discovered that I really didn't like the person I became. I was at that place where I was crying out to God like I had so many times before... "WHY GOD-WHY ME!" This time, I really listened to what He had to say. His soft but stern voice was so loving and gracious even though I know I didn't deserve it. He gently showed me many things in the last several months on what I really needed to see-He shined HIS LIGHT on the darkness in my life. I had surrounded myself with too many negative people allowing them to rub off on me and I was now acting like them. He was showing me how I was really treating my husband with my words and actions,  treating other people I loved, and how I was acting as a mother. I wanted to be better example to my children so they will never know a day without Jesus. I finally allowed the truth to shine on me and yes I am sure their is more truth to see but right now this is all God was showing me so He could improve and better me. One step at a time. One moment at a time. 

 I was allowing things to affect me negatively and I was giving permission to be drained all the time. So I had nothing to give to my own family. When you are child of God you need to surround yourself with healthy and positive people that can become your accountability. I came to this place where it was time to put behind the gossip, back-biting, hatred, anger, strife, and stop living for myself! When you do that, things are going to change. The wind shifted in a new direction for me, where I could stand on top of the mountain and look down into the valley and see the beauty that God had created for me. My heart had received a heart transplant from the best surgeon of all. For the first time in my life, I really feel completely vulnerable and free in a beautiful way! I am developing a new &  fresh romance. I am sure their are people that are reading this and think this girl is a quack - trust me I'm not- I have seen and know that I have been seeking for a long time and found a jewel so beautiful and priceless that is worth more to me than anything I have ever lost or was taken away from me. God has breathed new life in my marriage, my relationships with people, with my family, and especially with my children.

I am now surrounding myself around people who don't just love me but people who lift me up and encourage me just like I do for them. I have chosen to really get to know who my Creator is to me. He has changed me. I am not perfect. I am still human that makes mistakes and have bad days just like the next person but that still doesn't change that I am a working progress being chiselled daily by my Master, my Lord and Savior! 

"For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10 (NIV 1984)

In Christ, 

Liz 

So what is Soul Integrity???

Fall of 2012, I did my first OBS...So what is OBS? Online Bible Study. We studied the book "Unglued" by Lysa Terkeurst which I would recommend anyone of any walk of life to pick up your copy today you would not regret. I first heard of Lysa on K-Love. I was in a state of searching and hungry for more of God. Not only that, I knew in my heart I needed to change but I am not talking about a little change. I knew I was in need of a complete transformation with a new and balance relationship with God. Like many people, I would say "yea I serve Jesus" "I go to church sometimes" "I am an alright mom" "I am good wife" the list of convincing myself of the things that I was so called doing came down to one question that I had for myself, "was I really doing what was pleasing to God in action and words?" So, my OBS taught me to be honest with myself. Which lets be real, that is hard to do sometimes. I had to open my heart, my mind, and be real. Which had brought me to this place. Along the way, I learned that I am very much an unglued momma. I am not just an unglued momma but I am mainly "exploder" with some "stuffing" at times. I know that is hard to believe for those that really know me. I was born in a roller coaster of emotions with no idea how to control them. I felt like bull rider being swung from one end of the bull to other but the thing is I didn't even know how to hang on for the ride. I was thrown from one end of the spectrum to the other end. Now, if I was God I would of gave up on me a long time ago. But nope, He wasn't done with me as a teenager and He is not done with me now. So here we are.... Soul Integrity is my deepest heart desire to find, live, breath, and have it's way in me....According to Lysa's book Unglued this is what soul integrity is.

Soul Integrity is honesty that's godly. It brings the passion of the exploder and the peacemaking of the stuffer under the authority of Jesus where honesty and godliness embrace and balance each other.

Something has changed in me in the last couple of months...I am not saying I haven't had my moments where I felt like I could blow up like a shook up pop bottle, because I have. I am a working progress wife, mother, daughter, and woman. I know their are times where I know God has taken my words away just like God did with Zachariah. I recently heard a message by Joel Osteen that has set my heart on fire...If you have nothing positive to say then ZIP IT! I am a Working Progress in my relationships with family members, husband, my parents, and children. I found myself looking in the mirror and asking myself do I really want my daughter and son to ride the same roller coaster that I have always been on? NO WAY! So if I didn't want that to happen then I needed to do something about it...Getting a Grip literally!

Throughout this working progress, I have to admit I have asked God many questions. Why in the heck couldn't I be like so and so because they are so calm, quiet, passive, relax life would be so much easier...God gently reminded me to carry my own load.

Galatians 6:4-5 New International Version (NIV) 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load.

Something else about Soul Integrity that I found is important is how and what you are saying to yourself. What kind of labels are you speaking because I know the labels I have been speaking out of my mouth since I was a child and it is not good. Learning to stop speaking untrue words that is against what God says we are...The bible talks a lot about the our tongue and what we are saying.

James 3:9-12 The Message (MSG) 7-10 This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

10-12 My friends, this can’t go on. A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

That hurts...I remember one time that I was sitting and meeting with my Pastor wife as a teenager and she gave me an assignment that was getting a poster board and writing out all the scriptures I could find on the tongue and words we speak. I found a lot but I am sure I could of found more if I put more into it...We speak words daily, some people talk more than others but just because we think it doesn't mean we have to speak it. I challenge each of us this week, get a notebook and write out scriptures on words you will be amazed on what God really says. I am also going to be doing this. So go on this journey with and strive toward SOUL INTEGRITY...Are you with me?

Jesus has made me a kind-hearted person, full of encouragementand eager to inspire any person who gets within ten feet of me. Jesus has made me smart enough to know that I need Him-desperately and fully. And Jesus has assigned all of us the important job of representing Him to this world, which means we re-represent Him everywhere we go.

Lysa Terkeurst "Unglued"

Check out Lysa's book: http://www.ungluedbook.com/

Preparation Never Wasted Time......

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

 Proverbs 31:28

As a little girl I dreamed of my wedding day and getting married in my 20's, having a white house with a white picket fence in the front, and two children to complete my family.  Funny thing is I didn't find my Prince Charming until I was in my 30's. I had a practice run in my 20's but it was more learning lessons and discovery who I was as a person. I was 31 yrs old, I remember sitting in my house alone & crying out to God how all I wanted was to meet the man God had for me and having my family just like my dream. Now, the funny thing is I didn't realize that all that time I felt alone and questioning God every chance I got. I look back now and realize God was in the middle of preparation for the biggest challenge of my life....

The first big challenge, was learning how to be a good wife. Now it is easy to fall in love & plan for that special day where you and your man become one in the sight of God. Most people put more time & energy in planning for their wedding day than planning for their marriage. I was as guilty as the next one. The difference is, now I am planning & changing becoming the wife that God has called all wives to be. My goal is to become the Proverbs 31 woman that prayed for her husband & her children called her "BLESSED." So I am a working progress.....

The Second Big Challenge, was becoming a mother for the first time. I remember the excitement of learning that I was pregnant. I remember looking at my husband and saying I am carrying my baby girl. The joy I felt when I seen that ultrasound of my baby girl. We fell in love with her before we even seen her. I knew she was healthy and beautiful. On January 15, 2010, she made her entrance into our lives that changed us forever. She was perfect and actually a easy baby. We watched her grow, learn, and love. Now almost 3 yrs later, she knows ..."she is important, she is beautiful, she is kind, and she is loved."

The Third and Biggest Challenge of all, was learning that I was carrying my second child. We had more feelings sweeping through us during this pregnancy than the last. How do you transition from one child to two. I spoke with other mom's and read as much as I could. The excitement actually seeing my baby boy in the ultrasound was overwhelming. I knew in my heart I had my complete family. On Oct 5, 2010, my baby boy Mason James made his entrance and completed our family. He has been more challenging for us and the transition honestly has been hard. BUT I am the proudest mom ever to have this little loving creature wrapped around my heart, soul, and body. His first months were hard due to his colic but he got through it. He is so sensitive, loving, and his laugh just melts my heart completely. His cries for "momma" has brought me to my knees asking God for guidance and teaching me to be a better mom.

My children have taught me so much. I know they will teach others and bless others like they have blessed our families. Maddie & Mason love singing, playing music instruments and of course dancing. Having two walking toddlers, their is never a dull moment. You never know what is going to happen next or what is going to come out of their mouth. Especially, Maddie. She is the stage of repeating everything...literally everything...When daddy works over and we have our quiet moments we rehearse the day that might be full of frustrations but what we remember the most of the day is the joy that our kids have brought to our lives. We sit and laugh over what each of them might of done or said and that to me is the GREATEST JOY every! 

We give God Almighty all the glory for the days of preparation was not wasted time at all sometimes I feel I could of taken a little more in but that's okay because I am still learning and growing and becoming the wife and mother that my family needs. Honestly, that is all that matters.

Happy 1st Birthday to my baby boy....MASON JAMES! 

You are IMPORTANT, You are handsome, You are kind, You are loved!