Labeling myself has been the hardest challenge to overcome. Lysa's book hit in on the nail with me on labeling. I came from a dysfunctional family not that my parents weren't good parents but a lot of my labeling came from the situations I grew up in. The labels have stayed with me well into my adulthood. Mental Illness is in a lot of my family members and it was very important to me not to be compared to the rest of my family. More out of fear that people would see me like the rest of them. "I was better than that" but in all actuality I lived in fear of being mental ill. I would become so angry and explode my frustration mainly at my mom because I fought so hard not be like everyone and her. I was more concern what my phony self was showing people especially my "church family." I seeked acceptance from everyone. I didn't want people to think I was a complete wreck inside. So on the outside I walked it, talked it but really inside I was these exact labels:
- people pleaser - I would say this one my #1 label
- very insecure
- I am not going to be like my mother or my family
- I was afraid ppl thought I was crazy - so I would hide my aggressions
- Outcast
- Stupid
I lived in fear and when I read this section I understood that really I was just being a prisoner in my own body. Not being who God created me to be. One other sentence that really stuck out to me is "How we act is how we label ourselves." Now this me hit me in the forehead literally :). I looked at how I treated the ones I loved; my mom, my husband, my children and the relationships I have with my family. I look back and was like, how did they ever put up with me? There was times I was completely out of control and angry at the whole world. Walked around with a chip on my shoulder. Now I am not saying I have completely changed that behavior because I see the that I still can get moody & irritable when I am under stress. I have a very hard time dealing with stress. When my stress level elevate so does my voice & frustrations...which leads to outburst...
So each day that I wake up, I have to choose to put God 1st and let HIM chisel me where I need it the most. Can't have a Testimony without a Test. Throwing the old self behind me and put the new man on....Seeing myself as God sees me. Beautifully made for Him and bring Him glory. That doesn't mean I don't have my days because honestly today was one of those days when I felt a bit tested and unglued. I sit here reading all these beautiful blogs and reread the sections that I underlined; I feel completely encouraged that God is not done with me yet! I challenge each of us to see ourselves as Father God sees us....an apple in His eye and a very precious jewel....
Until Next Time,
Liz
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